For example, if a child says, “I don’t want to live at dad’s on Fridays because, like clockwork, he hits me and won’t let me have dinner, but Saturdays are fine,” the court, if thoroughly convinced that these actions are occurring, may follow that child’s preference. A court has to find that a child’s preference is intelligent, thoughtful, meaningful, and mature enough to be considered and followed.
Please do not confuse “required to consider” with “required to follow”. At that age, the court is required to consider the preference. In Oklahoma, for example, once the children reach the age of 12, they are permitted to state a preference. Naturally, the answer to this question-or even the fact that we can pose the question at all-strongly depends on in which state the parties and child(ren) reside. What parents/well-meaning individuals mean, but may not realize (and, incidentally, how our courts look at it) is, “How old does a child have to be before the court will consider their preference?” (I mean, it’s kind of hard to stop a moving car, am I right?) Of course, parents can always take their keys away, but does that change the child’s behavior or temperament regarding where they want to rest their head that night? I dare say, it only makes them dig their heels in even deeper. Sure, when kids hit about 16 or 17 years old and have car keys, they tend to “vote with their feet”. Children don’t just get to “choose” where they live, regardless of how old they are. Unfortunately, for the unknowing questioner, that isn’t “a thing”. I get asked all the time, “How old do kids have to be before they get to pick where they live/who they live with?” To Choose or Not to Choose: Can a Child Choose Which Parent Gets Custody in Oklahoma?
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